A Regret

I just said something hurtful to someone without being aware that it would be hurtful. I recalled an illustration given by one of my classmates during my homiletics class. She illustrated that we needed to be careful with what we said by using a tube of toothpaste. Once we pressed the tube, the toothpaste would come out, and there was no way to put it back inside the tube. My hurtful words had come out from my mouth. And there was no way to put it back inside my mouth. There was only a regret.

“Do you see a man who is hasty in his words?
There is more hope for a fool than for him.”
Proverbs 29:20

It's All about You

13 June 2008, Taize Community, France.

What a terrible morning! I did something which made me realize once more how evil and sinful I was. Why me, Lord? Why do You want to use a wretch like me to do Your works here on earth? It is too often that I say I want to serve You faithfully to the end, but You know that my life does not always reflect that I do mean it.

It was my second last day in the silence week. As usual, after the morning prayer, I had my breakfast in silence then I went to my room to take my little notebook for the morning devotion led by a Taize brother. Waiting for him to come, I decided to sit on a place, which I had never sat on before, outside the house which would be used for the morning devotion. I felt very sad as I recalled my terrible morning. Suddenly I looked at the blue sky on my left side and I saw two jet planes. One was flying horizontally and the other vertically. Unbelievable! They made a cross sign! I heard God saying, “My son, I love you for just as you are. I have called you not because of your merits. It is simply because I love you. The cross is the proof of my love for you. It is not about you. It is about Me.” I wept. Thank you, Lord. Yes, it’s all about You indeed.

A Dream Comes True

On Tuesday, September 11^th 2007, I blogged about "Taize worship” experience I had in my college. I wrote that I was hoping to do my field education in Taize and was looking for sponsors. You can read my posting here. Guess what? I just came back from Taize two weeks ago! I did stay in Taize community for one month and do my field education there. It was a really wonderful experience! I had rich spiritual experiences. I will blog about this next time. Meeting new friends from different parts of the world was also a very invaluable experience. It was incredible to see how I was able to be close to two Europeans and one Filipino only within a short time! Even one of my French friends invited me and my other Asian friends to stay in her flat when we visited Paris. And we did go to Paris for two nights staying in her flat, enjoying good French dishes and wine, and having a French cooking lesson. :) I also enjoyed and learned from the Taize brothers’ hospitality and sincere care. Their lives were really inspiring! In short, my Taize trip was really an unforgettable experience! So, I would like to dedicate this posting to those whom God had used to make my Taize trip did come true. Million thanks to my dear lecturers and friends who are very supportive: AP (PhD Cand.), Rev.Dr.SEW, and Dr.LSH. I also thank God for some people, who went to Taize before, who joyfully sponsor me to go to Taize. You all are God’s angels!

I Am Just Wondering

The title of this song is: Allah Peduli (God Cares).
Here is the free translation of the lyric.

There are many things which I cannot understand
Why such things must happen in this life
One thing I keep in my heart:
God always cares whatever may happen

God understands
God cares about all problems we are facing
He will never leave us struggling alone
Because God understands

I often sing this song whenever I feel down. And I've just sung it before I decided to blog. But, something was different today. I sang it with my mouth while my heart was rejecting what came out from my mouth. My heart shouted: Does God really care? Does God really understand what I am facing now? If God does, why does he keep silent??? I can add many more 'why' questions if I want to. I am just wondering: why???

Lord, grant me faith so that I'm able to sing this song from my heart...

Merry Christmas!

On the fourth week of advent, a preacher mentioned in his preaching, “I am sure God is very proud of his people in Indonesia. Why? Because we still can celebrate Christmas despite all the calamities we all experience in Indonesia. We give our best to celebrate Jesus’ birth. For example, our church’s budget for Christmas celebration is 45 millions rupiah (around US$ 4,500. In Indonesia, we can have a simple meal with rice, meat, vegetables, and drink for US$ 1). It is not a small amount of money. There are hundreds churches in Indonesia. Can you imagine how much Christians are willing to spend for celebrating Christmas? It must be billions! This is incredible!”

I heard the preacher saying this in a worship service in a quite big church. He obviously thinks that one of the reasons which makes Christmas celebrations incredible and blessed is because Christians are willing to spend so much money despite the calamities in Indonesia. I think in a totally different way. In my opinion, the big amount of money spent for the Christmas celebrations or the willingness to spend so much money do not make God proud of Christians at all. Amos 5:21-24 confirms this, “I hate, I despise your feasts, and I take no delight in your solemn assemblies. Even though you offer me your burnt offerings and grain offerings, I will not accept them; and the peace offerings of your fattened animals, I will not look upon them. Take away from me the noise of your songs; to the melody of your harps I will not listen. But let justice roll down like waters, and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream.”

Christmas is not merely a celebration. It is mainly about giving. As God has given his Best to incarnate in the first Christmas in order to save us, Christmas should always remind us to give our best to serve others, to pass God’s love on to people in need. In Indonesia context this year, I think it is not appropriate to have a huge Christmas celebration. It is even better if Christians do not celebrate Christmas at all. Or may be it is more accurate to say that Christians should celebrate Christmas in a different way. US$ 4,500, the approximate amount I assume one church allocate for Christmas celebration, can feed 4.500 flood refugees for one simple meal! Can you imagine how many refugees can the churches in Indonesia feed? Unfortunately, there is just a small group of churches which has this sense of crisis.

There was a UN Conference for Climate Change in Bali recently. To my shame, Indonesia is “awarded” the fastest forest destroyer. I think the Indonesian churches also indirectly contribute to the destruction of the forests by cutting pine trees for Christmas trees. Why do we need to cut so many trees for a one-day-celebration and worsen the global warming? Without any Christmas trees, Christmas is still a Christmas. Without any celebrations, Christmas is still a Christmas. But without caring for those who are in need, Christmas is not a Christmas. Without showing any concerns to what is happening in the world and doing something to make the world a better place, Christmas is not a Christmas. Again, Christmas is all about giving. Merry Christmas! May our Christmas celebrations be blessed and be a blessing, not a curse, to others!

A Thought from Asian Idol

Last night the first Asian Idol was chosen by voting. It was one of the worst nights in my life! Well, as said by a sister, I was very enthusiastic (probably too enthusiastic according to her ^_^) about this event because I was a music maniac! To my (to all the judges’ also, I am sure!!!) surprise, the unexpected winner was chosen! Sigh…

For Hady Mirza’s fans, I am sorry to say that he doesn’t deserve to be the first Asian Idol. A sister of mine from Singapore, where Mirza is from, also admits it. If we really consider their singing and entertaining ability, only three persons deserve to be the one: Mike (Indonesia), Mau (Philippines), and Jaclyn (Malaysia). After the show ended, I messaged my girlfriend and that sister to express my disappointment. That sister’s reply was this: “Again it’s a generation that focuses on the looks lah…” She was right! I also told her that most of the voters must be girls and only consider Mirza’s appearance.

Well, yes, but I think it is not just this generation which focuses on the looks. This is human’s tendency for all time. We do not only judge others by their appearances, but also value ourselves based on what is outside. We tend to care only about our outward appearances, not what is deep inside our hearts. When we do good deeds for others, what does actually drive us? Is it love or a hidden agenda or what? When we do our “spiritual activities”, what is our motive? Are we sincere? Or we just want to feel and look good?

“Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” Proverbs 4:23

God Does Not Always Answer Our Prayers?

“God does not always answer our prayers.” Almost all speakers I have heard talking about prayer do state this. It has always been troubling me. I find two problems here. Firstly, this statement implies that prayer is all about asking and answering. We ask something from God and God answers. It seems that God is regarded as a genie that always provides whatever the person who controls it asks. This is not the essence of prayer, at least for Christianity. Asking for something is only a small part of prayer dimensions. In fact, it is the shallowest understanding of prayer. The heart of prayer is to commune with God. Exchanging our feeling and thoughts with God. To go into the very heart of God, this is the heart of prayer.

Secondly, I find the understanding is based on the presupposition that answering prayers equals answering ‘yes’. It means when God says ‘no’ to our requests, we neglect his answer and act as if God has not answered our prayers. This is very childish. Children usually cannot accept a ‘no’ answer from their parents. They will conclude quickly that their parents do not love them if their requests are not granted. As they grow, they would understand that their parents have actually ‘a better answer’ when they say ‘no’ to their children. Most of the time, I find that when I think God does not answer my request, he has actually answered ‘no’. I just cannot accept it. So, God always answers our prayers, more accurately our requests. His answer is either ‘yes’ or ‘no’.